What Is BDSM?
BDSM stands for Bondage & Discipline, Domination & Submission, and Sadism & Masochism—a vast spectrum of practices. Have you ever experienced or given someone a taste of bondage with fuzzy handcuffs? That’s just one facet of it. Bondage can range from simple restraints to intricate ropework, suspension from ceilings, or even full-body mummification—and much more. This overview only scratches the surface of a complex world. Every situation is different
- Bondage and Discipline (B/D): This aspect involves binding individuals and using physical or corporal “punishment” as a form of control.
- Dominance and Submission (D/s): Centered on power exchange, D/s focuses on the dynamic of control and surrender, which may not necessarily involve any physical restraint.
- Sadism and Masochism (S/M): This facet is about the giving and/or receiving of pain for sexual stimulation, acknowledging that a person can simultaneously enjoy both roles.
Since BDSM is a kink, you can start up a conversation about kinks. The key part is establishing that you want to have a conversation about sex – ask something like: ‘I’d love to find a time to talk to you about our sex life.’ and start slowly.
BDSM stands for a lot of things and you don’t have to be into all. You can be only into bondage play or only Dominance and submission or something else. There is no universal BDSM formula, the only important thing is to find what suits both of you and start slowly & have fun! BDSM relies on a judgment-free zone where communication about your desires (no matter how kinky they are) and boundaries come first. Because of that, BDSM can be the safest, and most fun kind of sex you can have. BDSM does not exist without limits, everyone has limits. Giving or receiving pain or pleasure can act as an emotional release mechanism. The idea of seeking pleasure and avoiding pain (or the opposite) is an intense drive – BDSM allows a consensual way to explore these boundaries
For beginners
BDSM is a fundamental step where all parties discuss and agree on what will and won’t happen. Don’t invest a lot of money into it until you know if you enjoy it or not. Use quick-release methods, have a safe word, and take your time. BDSM is a HUGE umbrella term that encompasses all sorts of activities that can range from sensual to painful, from mild to wild, and in some places might not even be legal.
It’s important to note that everyone is on equal footing. This discussion includes limits, safe words (words that, when said, will stop the action immediately), and the desires each person wants to explore. It doesn’t matter if you’re a top or bottom, dominant or submissive, everyone’s input matters. Consent is what separates BDSM from abuse. In an ongoing dynamic/relationship, you don’t have to keep vetting the same person again and again.
The general structure that tends to get used when entering a scene or dynamic.
- Vetting Phase: You find someone you might want to play with or in a relationship with. See if there’s chemistry, if you have mutual interests, look for red flags
- .Negotiations: You get down into the details of what you’re looking for.
- Play: The players involved do whatever they agreed to do.
- Safeword: If the safeword is used, play stops immediately.
- Aftercare: Aftercare is a way to slowly bring someone back down. Different people have their preferences for aftercare. Aftercare activities are cuddling, getting under a blanket or a warm robe, talking through the scene, affirming that the other partner is a good person, and eating something sweet.
Every session varies depending on the interests and boundaries of those involved. Once the scene begins, it might be more about physical restraints, it might be more about the exchange of power, one partner takes control while the other relinquishes it, which can be incredibly thrilling and intimate. Pain can also be a component. For those who enjoy this aspect, the pain is often described as a way to experience pleasure or a deep emotional release, it’s always metered out in a safe, consensual manner where both parties feel comfortable.